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Monday, 5 August 2019

At your own risk

Can you remember when you last read something which had you laughing so much you were in tears?

Or laughing so much that it was really, really, really hard to breathe?

For me it was about 11.00 last night . . .

I was bimbling around online, as you do when you really ought to have gone to bed an hour earlier, and I came across a blog. Not the sort of blog I usually land on - this one is an author’s blog and the chap writes “weird fiction” (that is his description, not mine, although if his fiction is half as good as his canine musings then it is definitely worth a look). The author in question, John Linwood Grant, shares his home with three lurchers. Or maybe he is allowed to share their home?

No matter . . . here is his blog page which contains links to all his writing about the glorious creatures known as lurchers.

The first link takes you to “Lurchers for Beginners”. I have now read it 8 times, and I am still crying with laughter each time . . . and I don’t regret meeting Millie for one millisecond. Well, not yet anyway!


If you know/already love lurchers you will find much of this painfully familiar and hopefully very funny;

If you just love dogs, you’ll have a damn good laugh (and continue to wonder if M. and I have any sense at all);

If you don’t like dogs, what the hell are you doing here?


Oh - and the sixth link - Lurchers for Beginners Number 4 - includes the warning that they are very good at “dead-legging” you. I can confirm that is quite correct: during the bed-time potty trip yesterday my Lunatic Lurcher was sprinting around the lawn, came up behind me and BAMM.  I was quite impressed with how slow the fall was and how well I can go down in a gentle barrel-roll. At least the grass was soft - and damp.

Look at this - butter wouldn't melt in her mouth (it wouldn't get a flippin' chance, she would have swallowed it too quickly!)







Edit:  I've tried to contact this chap to say "thank you".  His blog won't let me leave a comment . . . his Contact Page is similarly recalcitrant.  Both insist I complete a Recapture, which I'd be delighted to do if the bluddy thing displayed itself.  Have failed in Safari, Chrome & Firefox.  In the wild and unlikely event that anyone knows this gentleman, or he even visits this page himself, please get in touch.




28 comments:

  1. You had me giggling with your description of Millie knocking you to the ground - I can well imagine it :) The blog you found sounds interesting and very humourous, I'm off out now but will check it out later :)

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    1. I managed to fall quite gracefully - suspect it will not be the only time this happens and I must learn to keep well out of the way when she's running.

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  2. P.S. Just read the first bit before going out and I'm already laughing - a great find Jayne, thanks for the link :)

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  3. I've just read "Lurchers for Beginners" - how funny! "Sleeping in strange contorted positions like an orthopaedic case study" - yep I saw Millie doing that!
    One of my friends has a rescue greyhound - whenever she stops when walking him, he has a big tendency to lean on her thigh as she's stood still. He actually leans at quite an angle when he does it - looks so funny!

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    1. Ah, Millie leans as well - fortunately she is not as big as a greyhound and therefore less likely to push me over.

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  4. Great find Jayne, wonderful way with words....blog bookmarked 😊 Refreshing knowing you are not alone in Lurcher Land xx

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    1. Thanks Pauline, I'm not sure whether to be heartened or terrified by some of this!

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  5. We had a boxer who when running past you from behind would twist his bum and take your knees out from under you, leaving us in a heap on the ground.

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    1. Hmm, don't like the sound of that. Although to be fair, I am very wary of boxers, an ex-neighbour had one and I cannot say I ever felt comfortable/safe near it.

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  6. Olivia appreciated her letter ... she is pleased to know that at least SOMEONE understands her-
    the beautiful Millie just continues to look more and more comfortable in your care-dog + owner are blending harmoniously for sure- it is just a joy to see how happy both of you seem to be together ... nothing like it, is there!
    the only words to describe what can only be considered a 'sad black weekend' in this country are sadness, frustration, and disbelief- we just go from one insane event to another one lately- i sigh, i shake my head, and i wonder what it is going to take to end all the senseless violence-
    regards as always-
    barb

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    1. I hardly know what to say Barb,I only know you are in Texas - no idea how close you are to El Paso. Yesterday was Day 216 in the year, and I saw Nan Whaley give an interview where she said it was the 250th mass shooting this year. That is very difficult for us to comprehend.

      On a lighter note this reply has been written in two stages. I happened to glance up from my desk to see Millie cantering through the garden . . . with my iPhone in her mouth!

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  7. I will definitely check out the blog, thanks for the link. I sympathise with you being knocked off your feet by Millie. We were dog-sitting Eric the Lurcher for our daughter for a week and Eric ran at full speed behind my husband, knocked him off his feet putting a hole in his trousers. Husband is a not a light-weight either. Eric has "lurchered" my daughter twice (her words for being knocked over) dislocating her knee and she had to have an operation. I forgot to say she was at some country park at the time and had to be rescued by a teem in a Land Rover. We could tell you some tales about living with crazy lurchers, hope you are OK, please take care.

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    1. P.S. just reading the first page and I see they use the very same rescue my Annie came from :)

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    2. Oh, poor daughter, although I can see how it would happen. I think I will soon have a few tales of my own - the iPhone incident above was shortly followed by one of M.s shoes, and then one of my wellies!

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    3. Just back from day out and read this reply to Eileen - that's hilarious :) Now if I'd known last week I could have got Millie some wellies of her own to play with :)

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    4. Thanks Eunice, it was my own fault. Millie had woken up and had the energy to play, and I was trying to finish up on the computer - so in the absence of a two-legs to amuse her, she had to find her own distractions.

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  8. Border collies have their own 'specialities' and bring their own 'skills' to the party however I can totally see and laugh at Lurchers for Beginners... all I am going to say is ....good luck Jayne!! hahahahaha

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    1. Thanks Kate. Miss Moss and her relatives have a much stronger work ethic than Millie will ever display . . . and thanks for the "good luck", I suspect we might need a bit of it!

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  9. Dear Jayne
    I have read a few posts and can only think - what have you let yourselves in for?!! Forewarned is forearmed (although I'm not sure being forewarned will help all that much...) It will be a real rollercoaster ride by the sound of things, but hopefully with lots of happy times.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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    1. Ellie, thank you and sorry I took an age to reply. What have we let ourselves in for? Well, that's easy (for us) although I can see how from the outside it might look like we have signed up for chaos.

      What we are committed to is a few weeks/months/however-long-it-takes of consistently applying the same gentle rules over and over and over again. We did it with Ollie (who, admittedly, was damaged by his early months and it took me a couple of years to earn his trust) and with Daisy.

      Millie is a kind, gentle, well-natured soul and very smart. With the important basics of character and personality already on board, what she needs from us is warmth, good food, comfy beds, enough (but not too much) exercise, mental stimulation and love. Walking off with my phone/footwear is nothing more than a little kid who was full of beans and wanting to play . . . and I wasn't paying attention.

      I know you are ruled by a Feline Overlord - which is not the same thing :)

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  10. Jayne, I've stuck this comment underneath so's you'd see it. I've also tried to contact this guy (on your behalf) to ask if he would contact you, I'm currently using Bing so thought a different system might work - I was doing so well until I got to the 'recapture' thing then hit the same brick wall you did. I hope you somehow manage to get round the problem and contact him yourself eventually though.

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    1. He says he uses Lurcher Link in West Yorkshire, perhaps you could join the forum and contact him that way, just a thought.
      http://www.lurcherlink.org/llink/forum/index.php
      I don't use the forum anymore although I do support other dog rescue charities.

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    2. Thanks eunice, you can put your replies anywhere you like - I always get an email notification :) πŸ“§

      Very kind of you to try to contact Mr Grant. I have also tried Goodreads and his Amazon author page. He appears to currently be completely incommunicado - maybe the Lurcher Overlords are holding him hostage until he comes up with more duck strips . . .

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    3. Eileen, many thanks, I had a look but he doesn't appear to be active on that forum at present.

      (Eunice, sorry about the lack of capitalisation, xx)

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  11. I've sent a private message to someone on the forum who may know John's username or contact details. Fingers and paws crossed for you :)

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    1. Aww, thank you. πŸΎπŸ‘

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    2. Well, I had a reply to my message but no joy, he hasn't been active on the forum since 2016. Seems the forum is very quiet these days as most people use Facebook.
      They remember my little dog very well and love little pocket lurchers :) I'm a big fan of lurchers myself and Millie is no exception xx

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