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Friday, 21 June 2019

It's all downhill from here

The Wheel turns and Summer solstice is here again.

At 16.54 today our little home planet was as close to our star as it can get.  From now our beleaguered little lump of rock will travel further and further from the warmth and life provided by the sun and every day, although imperceptible at first, there will be a little less light and a little more dark.

But in reality this year the darkness started at Bag End on 25th February, but it's been getting dimmer and duller since my last trip away in the campervan.  When I got back from Scotland the wheels did not completely come off, but the tyres are definitely not roadworthy and I have sunk into what I expect others would label as depression.  I don’t care for labels, I feel how I feel and I know why I feel this way.  I want Daisy back, I feel utterly dreadful and bereft and I cannot have Daisy back.  I cannot have what I want, ergo I am miserable.  There, who needs hours of counselling?  I am not a complete idiot, I know this will pass and until it does I just bimble along very quietly.  M. is supportive and understanding, but he lost a dear friend too.

Breakfast at Sale Fell:



Trying to keep the garden straight but it is a chore this season.  Much reading, occasional moments of tidying up, scanning old photos and decluttering, far too much time wasted playing mindless games on the iPad.

Living next to the most beautiful National Park in the country and not make use of it is also a waste. Today was better, I got off my backside and went for a walk - not very far, but it was good to be out, to be moving, and to find a wonky knee didn't grumble at all.  A little lump of land near Ling Fell, with lovely views, particularly of our beloved Sale Fell.   We've been trying to work out how many times Daisy and I went there - stopped counting at 100, not really any point.

















27 comments:

  1. Thank you for your post .I have never commented before but I want to tell you that I loved Daisy from afar and introduced her to my family. They loved her too especially her wonderful ears. My heart goes out to you .Sending love Naomi x

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment Naomi.

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  2. I'm sorry you're in the dumps. Hope it gets better soon. Been wondering where you were and even though of a message to see if you were okay. I get stuck here in the house for no apparent reason but overcoming that inertia is the hard part. Once the feet are moving it gets better. Hugs, dear girl.

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    1. Hi sweetie, thanks. I know what you mean about the inertia - I am working on that. xx

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  3. Dear Jayne
    You need to do what you need to do and you shouldn't feel guilty about not doing things. Be kind to yourself.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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    1. Cheers Ellie, not feeling guilty about things not being done, and yes, trying to be kind too.

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  4. OK, good to see a post & that tells me something. Got the email, but K not up yet, so I'll show him his bit later. Glad you went for a walk, which isn't happening here much due to the leaden grey skies that are threatening rain, biting wind & just plain cold. Maybe I should spend a dollar or two tonight? Love the photos. Take care & huggles.

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    1. Thanks m'dear. Sorry I missed your call. Weather good here at present, I think you'd like it :-) xx

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  5. I don't really know what I can say to help you so I'm sending some virtual {{{hugs}}} your way.

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    1. Hi Eileen, no need to say anything profound, thank you for being here. x

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  6. 'sad' is sometimes a lingering condition ... and everybody has to work with it in his/her own way- I wish there was a magic potion ... many would be sending it your way- hopefully you can soon start enjoying great memories and smiling more-
    as always, regards from incredibly hot Texas-
    barb

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  7. Strangely I miss Daisy too even though I only met her once. I don;t know when you will feel better but I just hope it will be soon.

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    1. Thanks Sue, Madam really did seem to have that effect on people :)

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  8. It was such a beautiful day, I'm glad you were able to get out and appreciate it.
    Daisy and the story of how she became yours touched so many hearts, including mine. She was a huge part of your lives and you will miss her terribly. I hope the darkness begins to lift for you soon, and in the meantime I'm sending love and hugs. X

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    1. Hi Jules, much appreciated, love & hugs always helps. xx

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    1. Hi Eileen, sorry I haven't emailed. Think of you often. x

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  10. Our four-legged friends are more than just pets, they are part of the family and so it is very heart-wrenching to lose such a loved one. I hope the darkness lifts soon and maybe someone else might find a place in your heart alongside Daisy.

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    1. Hi Nikki-Ann, I've learnt never to say 'never', but if we ever do go this route again, it will not be for a very, very long time.

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  11. It's so good to get home from my holiday and see a new post from you, which I didn't expect given how you are feeling. I'm sorry I missed seeing you last week but hopefully we can meet up next time I'm up that way. The photos are lovely, especially the one of Daisy, and I'm glad you managed to go for a walk. Sending hugs - xx

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    1. Thanks, xx
      Good to hear you had another lovely holiday, and I am looking forward to seeing your blog posts. When are you going back to Anglesey, they'll be calling you a deserter and traitor? {giggle}

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    2. Holiday blog posts will be a while yet as I've almost 7OO photos to download/edit/delete as necessary. Plans are afoot for Anglesey in September - Michael wanted to send me to Italy but what I want to do when I'm over there will take LOTS of forward planning, certainly something I can't do in just a couple of months so that will have to wait until next year. If and when it happens though it will make several good blog posts :) :)

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  12. Hi hun, When we lose an adored four legged friend it is like losing a family member.It does take time, but be kind to yourself it takes time to heal.I am glad you are remembering good times with Daisy.Sending you *big hugs* Goldensunflower x

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    1. Thank you πŸ™‚.
      There’s only one person who has ever called me hun. Is that Neil’s Mum?

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