Tuesday, 12 March 2019

Letting go, and moving on

At one level we will never be ready to let go.  But keeping beds, toys, coats and the immense quantity of food I had here does no-one any good.  It does us no good to have constant visual reminders that the Darling Girl is no longer here to use these things.  We loaded up Bill, shaking heads at the sheer quantity of items.

Daisy had a bed in every room where she laid down, plus our cars, plus the 'spares' that sat ready to go into the garden or on the balcony.   Being such a thoroughly messy eater, her little fleece blankets only lasted a day or two before they needed a quick wash, so I always had plenty of spares on hand.  As I thoroughly detest 'regular' shopping, her food was bought in bulk every 4 or 5 weeks, and of course I had recently topped up our supplies.  All these things can do a great deal of good for the abandoned and homeless babies currently looked after by Animal Care in Lancaster.

We might not be ready to take another four-paws into our homes, but maybe we can make things slightly more comfortable for those who are waiting for their Person.

Bulk buying food might have saved money, and ensured I never ran out of anything, but an empty cupboard is a horrible sucky, shitty thing:

It was something I had to do, even though it was horrible.  Then a slow and gentle drive home, taking my time, letting the emotions settle.

And back not a moment too soon; whilst I enjoyed a sunny view at Shap summit, tonight we are forecast exceptionally high winds and I have more than a little concern for the greenhouse.


But now I am home and we have to think about moving forward; we cannot live in the past, we cannot bring Daisy back, and we probably could not have prevented what happened.

We have survived, and that is in no small part thanks to you all.

The collective wisdom, kindness and concern which has been freely shared over the past couple of weeks is humbling indeed.

Every day I have been moved to tears by the kindness and generosity of spirit of friends around the world, who I have met through blogging.  The comments you have left - articulate, sensitive, gracious, insightful, patient and thoughtful have stopped me in my tracks.

Sometimes it feels like we cannot turn on our TVs or computers without learning of bullying or abuse carried out online, and are regularly warned that the internet can be a dangerous place.  Whilst that is true, not enough is made of what an amazing place it can be.  The friends who have been here for me as I struggled to come to terms with the sudden and unexpected loss of our darling Daisy dog - you held me up when I stumbled, picked me up when I fell, and have helped me see that one day I will be OK again.

You are all absolutely bloody amazing.

Saying "Thank You" is just not enough, but right now it is all I have got.

Sleep tight everyone, fingers crossed this storm turns out not to be as bad as forecast.


  1. I think about the wonderful animals who will benefit from
    'Daisy's gifts' to the shelter- she is still bringing joy-

    Peace and comfort to you from-

  2. My sweet Jayne - you have just made me cry xxxx

  3. What a lovely post, you've just made me cry too :( I can only say 'thank YOU' for being brave enough to continue writing posts when no doubt you've been feeling like your heart has been ripped out and the world has fallen from under your feet. Clearing out Daisy's things must have been gut-wrenching - I know I couldn't do it - but it's good to know that they will benefit the homeless babies at Animal Care and I'm sure Daisy would approve.

    It's extremely windy here just now, if it's the same for you then I hope your greenhouse survives. Take care, and always remember there is light beyond the shadows xx

  4. I think you did the right thing not hanging on to things and everything will make life more comfortable for other four paws who are just waiting for someone to change their lives as you did for the lovely Daisy.

  5. Thank you for the lovely comment on my blog, you'll never know how much that means to me. XX

    You did something very special today, parting with so much. It will bring comfort to lots of animals that really need it.

  6. You've done a wonderful thing donating to Animal Care at what has been such a horrible time for you both. Those quilts and fleecy blankets will be perfect for the "rescues".
    Our greenhouse in still intact after the storm - but the daffodils are now horizontal! Take care.xx

  7. It's best to move things away that are reminders and I bet the charity were pleased to see you arriving.
    Hope you and the greenhouse are still in one piece after storm Gareth blows through

  8. Your gifts to the rescue shelter will be very much appreciated. A difficult time for you and M and my heart goes out to you. Daisy will always be remembered with great fondness by your many friends here on your blog.
    I hope you don't suffer any storm damage, take care xx

  9. Thank you too, for being a good friend & understanding what I go through at times. I'll bet their are a lot of 4 paws enjoying your wonderful gift, along with the volunteers who run places like that. You've shown courage & are moving forward slowly, one day at a time. I've not heard about the storm, so hopefully it blew itself out before it got to you. Take care & huggles.

  10. Dear Jayne

    Such a difficult thing to do, but lots of animals will benefit from your kindness.
    Take care.
    Best wishes

  11. Seeing Bill loaded up and the empty cupboard has just tugged at my heartstrings. Clearing away parts of a much loved companions life after they've gone is one of the hardest things to do but knowing that other animals will benefit is something that will bring comfort. Stay safe in the storm, my greenhouse has several panes missing already!

  12. Jayne,
    Kindness finds its way back to those who are kind; the kind thoughts winging their way to you are a small reward for the love and care you've shown Daisy and for being brave enough to write about your grief. ((Hugs)) again and here's hoping your greenhouse survives. Horrible, horrible weather. xx

  13. It's a very kind thing you did, Jayne. It must have been a difficult journey to make but many animals will benefit from your generous gesture and, in that way, your love for Daisy is shared with others too. X

  14. Another beautiful post.....

    Do hope, this donating to the shelter, is another good step, in your process.

    Me too, hate to shop. Also get lots of items, at one time. We can even do a lot of our shopping, for multiples and heavy stuff, on line. Then go to store pick up area, people put the bags in the car, we bring home the bags. No wandering around a store. ----- Can't do this for everything, but what we can, we do.

    Hope your weather did not mess with your property! I've been reading of nasty weather,in blogs and on IG. -sigh-

    Yes, the Blogging World and IG, can be lovely places, of friendship. I'm not a real life social person, but my friends live in special Net places. :-)

  15. How lovely of you to pass those things on

  16. Thank you all (again) for such thoughtful comments. You’ll understand I’m a bit fragile today so I won’t answer everyone individually as I would normally prefer to do.

    I do not see what I did as kind, it was sensible and in our own interests - having things around when there is no Daisy to use them has been awful. If we had kept some of Daisy’s belongings they would have sat on a shelf for a while, then been relegated to a box in the loft or a bag at the back of a wardrobe, and in years to come either thrown away or deposited in a charity shop. In the meantime, knowing ourselves, they would be a miserable constant reminder that Little Miss Perfect was no longer here.

    We talked at length about whether to keep certain things. We checked every box again before loading the van. M. and I spoke yesterday morning when I was having a coffee at a service station - I checked and double-checked if there was anything he wanted me to bring back. Then I clambered around the van and went through each box, checking again for myself.

    At the Rescue I was asked many times, "are you sure you want us to have all this”? Every time my answer was that dogs who need warm coats, soft beds and nice toys should get the benefit from them now. The big slab of memory foam was ear-marked for a newly arrived Great Dane before it was even out of the van. The “Dog’s Balls” almost-indestructible tennis balls were marvelled at, the Forthglade food was pounced upon “we love this for little ones with sensitive tummy’s”, the fact that all her coats came from Hurtta and were not going to disintegrate after a couple of weeks was noted.

    If we ever get to the point of bringing another four-paws into our family, she will be a much smaller creature than Daisy. I am nearly 60 (sheeeeeesh - how did that happen!?!?) M. is older than me. Thinking forward, neither of us want to be a lot older with a very elderly dog that I cannot pick up. Ollie had his first seizure only ¼ mile from the house and I could not manage to carry him home - and that was 10 years ago. So we would need smaller beds and coats for a new “Person”, no point in keeping the old things.

    I haven’t felt brave writing about Daisy’s death. In fact, I have felt dreadfully selfish. It’s extremely cathartic for me to write and “get it out of my system” and you have all responded by giving me a hugs and kindness.

    And the storm? Blew itself out in the early hours and today hasn’t been anything like as windy as forecast. And the greenhouse is still standing.

    Thank Crunchy.

  17. What a nice contribution to the rescue. I liked how even the great Dane will get a comfortable bed!
    Nice to know that their are still kind, caring people in the world. The media only tell us the bad news and hardly any good.

  18. That’s an important stage in moving forward but difficult and emotional nonetheless. Sending {{{hugs}}}

  19. I think you did well to care for Daisy's fellow creatures that, for want of a loving home, can find comfort with the presents you brought to them. The Internet is full of happy surprises and I unexpectedly discovered that it helps you get in touch with people who have many common points with you, the kind of persons you too hardly ever meet in real life, unfortunately. All the things we share give the direction of the exchanges that remain unspoiled by unnecessary verbiage and keep relationships healthier in a way. I hope the storm will not damage your greenhouse, we have also had frequent and very sudden gusts of wind lately and my fir trees' swinging next to the house is always a concern for me. I wish you a peaceful night!Sandrine

  20. What a kind, generous thing to do. I hope the storm leaves you relatively unscathed and that the days begin to get easier for you.

  21. You have a good heart Jayne, so kind and generous xx

  22. Dear one, you're our friend whether we've ever laid eyes on you or not. And friends take care of friends.

  23. Just catching up - my dog had urgent surgery on Tuesday and she’s having a hard time getting over the anesthesia, let alone dealing with the soreness. Anyway, I’m sure the rescue center was thrilled with such generosity; our local centers have been putting out calls for months about needing blankets, towels, beds and toys. It’s bittersweet but you’ve helped make the lives of so many dogs better - with high quality items that will last - there aren’t many dogs that get handmade quilts and coats.

    Glad to hear that the storm didn’t affect the greenhouse. With the spring equinox approaching, hopefully the weather will start improving and we can all start to get out into the garden again (mine is still under several inches of snow).

    Take care, take it easy on yourself. Hugs. DebS

    P.S. I’m probably going to return to sending you email updates. The Verification panels are currently requesting 8 to 10 sets of photo reviews, many of which are virtually impossible to see properly.

  24. Jayne, we have rescue cats and I know the centre will be over the moon with your donations. Later on when you are feeling in a different way, maybe you will once again offer a dog a home. It needs to be the right time though. I had a big break between my old cat and the 2 newer ones. About 6 years.
    Anyway, take care and I hope the wind and rain don't cause flooding where you are.
    Bev x

  25. Animals always leave such a great hole in our lives when they're gone. I still dearly miss my cat Leo who died unexpectedly last year.

    I'm sure the rescue centre will be ever so grateful for all of those blankets and they'll be put to such great use.


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